normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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