What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
