Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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