i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm always down for nudity.
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