how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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