Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
