very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
