Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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