NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do herpes really smell.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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