He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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