id be glad to
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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