walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
