Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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