drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
