he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
