No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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