I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
