So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
