i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
