My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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