Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
