You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
