I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
