we're blogging at a bar
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
