im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
