There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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