I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
