1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
