I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
