i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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