Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
