Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
