Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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