I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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