i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
