So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
