So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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