That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
