I just saw a hot homeless man
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
