I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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