I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
