i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
