you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
