Nicole vs. Life
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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