My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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