I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
