I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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