So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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