so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
