I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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